Autor: Agnieszka Zagórska
The notes on regularity fell under my fingers today. A topic for the beginning of the year and … for any other time.
When talking to friends or conducting coaching sessions, I have noticed that often, when talking about doing things regularly,
our first instinct is to think “every day” and this automatically makes us rigid. And that’s a trap.
I love Pilates (and do exercise regularly), but if I imposed on myself a rigour of daily exercise – I would fall off after a month. Instead of the self-empowering (physically and mentally) practice I love, I would impose a regime on myself that would work the opposite way.
That’s me and my limits of course, we all have our own. Regularity understood as doing something once every nine days, every third day or once every three weeks is also fine. Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against daily habits – instead I encourage you to find your own path and determine what is realistic.
As a coach I often ask clients when we set goals - are they realistic to achieve?
Sometimes the first reaction is surprise because we are used to the narrative of ‘you can do anything, the sky is the limit’ and what do you mean, this coach, who is supposed to be supportive, is asking me this? Meanwhile, whatever the answer, we gain. In the case of ‘yes’: affirming to ourselves and seeing: yes, this is real, gives immense empowerment.
In the case of ‘no’: making it realistic often brings relief (“After all, I can only learn vocabulary at weekends”), and in the long term, it fosters the achievement of goals and allows
for real and sustainable change on your own terms.
Why not just be gentle with yourself? As often as we can be gentle and forgiving of others?
Gentleness that comes from awareness and knowledge of oneself, not from indulgence or laziness.
As a coach, I often see the wonderful results of such a change in attitude.